A Mother's Love. My Love.

Well... Here we are again. A little over two years later from when I originally said I was going to start a blog. Ha! Isn't that just like me to start some sort of project and not complete it though? Yes... yes. I have a list going of the "started" projects that I intend to COMPLETE by the end of 2015. A little under 4 months should be plenty right? RIGHT?!? We'll see. ;)

A lot has changed and then sometimes not as much has changed. I suppose I named my blog "Blathering Hearts" because at times I'm often rambling. Seems like I can't keep my brain on a one way track. But... that's okay... My train of thought is my own and it works for me. Most of the time.

My aunt and I have talked on more than one occasion about me writing a book with all of the ins and outs of my motherhood experiences. I feel like there are a ton of blogs and mom's who are writing about it all though. Which is awesome. Makes me feel like I'm not so alone. Not long ago I was told by someone that she appreciated my honesty in my Facebook status updates. That it made her not feel alone. That made my day. If the trials and triumphs of my day can help someone smile and not feel like they're in it alone... well... I'm happy to offer a little insight to my life. And here we are... in my blog that I started on a few different occasions (each time with a different intention LOL Psh.... we'll see how long this one lasts... haha!)

Where we are today.... Today we are no longer in AZ and moved 1200 miles away in January 2014. Moving, in itself, was no easy feat. It was a lot of work. A lot of planning. A lot of tears. A lot of being tired. I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. At the time I was also pregnant with our newest baby. Baby T just turned ONE. ONE... and at this time I'm trying to soak up every bit of his babyness. He and I have bonded in a special way and I think it's because he is probably our last one. Raising three boys can be a monster at times... but Lord knows I love them to pieces and wouldn't trade them for anything. Though I might not mind a break every now and then. Aunts and Mamaw's are a saving grace sometimes. What would I do without them? <3

B-Man will be starting 6th grade. Moving on up to middle school. I'm happy for him to be growing up (sad at times too). I'm proud of the young man he's becoming. He's responsible, a great big brother, loves me even when he hates me, is smart, caring, compassionate. I'm not really good at telling him those things. I try sometimes... and sometimes he looks at me like I've grown a third eye when I make that attempt. Sorry my man... yes, your mother is socially awkward at times... even to you. {shrugs} So I've started texting him. I'm much better at writing than talking. I know it isn't the same but I want him to know even if it's only in a text. (Our reasons for him having a phone are our own... and he's good with his responsibility of it. It doesn't rule his life and it isn't a battle. Yet.)

E-Baby, who's not a baby anymore and tells me to not call him Peanut when I use that name, is three. Three years of all boy, all jumping and throwing and fighting and yelling and screaming and dirt and grime and whining and hugs and love and full of life. He's adventurous and proud and tells me he loves me and this morning asked me to carry him to the bathroom just before 6am. And for a brief second I got to hold him like the small boy that he is. I got to feel his arms around my neck and his head on my shoulder without him yelling, rough-housing, throwing or screaming. In that moment he was my baby boy all over again.

In these moments, when I'm sitting alone in another room for a few minutes I get to think on where I've been, where I'm at, and where we may be headed. This week, almost every day, at 6pm I want to jump in my car and lock the doors just to get some silence. The noise in this house at 6pm is like you've walked into a war zone. Absolutely chaotic. :) But then 10pm rolls around and I'm laying in bed thinking about all of the things that I could've done better and I lay there hoping that my three boys know that I love them. Unconditionally. To the moon. And I  know that even if there are days when I could've done better or I think I've screwed up... I'm still a great mom. I try to be better than I was the day before and I try to practice my patience (though that can be a struggle). I do the best I can and I try to remember that these years will pass; they'll be grown men someday. They won't be my little babies/boys in the sense that they are now. Not with little hands, little feet or baby fine hair... They'll be too old or too cool to hold my hand or give me a kiss... but I'll still be their mom. I'll always be their mom. I'll always be the one that they'll turn to when they need what only I can give them. A mother's love.